Formal Introductory Letter
Subject:
Self-introduction
Dear
Professor Brad Blackstone,
My
name is Taufiq, and I am writing this email to introduce myself to you as a
student in your critical thinking & communication class. I graduated from temasek polytechnic in May 2021 with a diploma in mechatronics with merit, and
I am currently a freshman in singapore institute of technology, pursuing a degree in mechanical engineering.
My
interest in engineering started when I was just 9 years old when I first
visited the Changi Airport. I was initially impressed by the numerous airplanes
that were all around Changi Airport. I found it intriguing that such a large,
hefty machine could soar thousands of meters above the ground while carrying
hundreds of passengers and goods. Being the inquisitive young boy I was, I
became curious as to how these airplanes were made and that cemented it for me.
I was going to be an engineer in the future.
My
strength in communication is that I am an active listener. I tend not to say
much, but when someone speaks, I pay close attention by asking open-ended
questions, offering my ideas and previous experiences to demonstrate my
understanding, and remembering details like significant dates and events.
As for my weakness, I am weak in verbal communication. I have never been good at English in school and typically speak Malay at home with my family members and Singlish with my peers, which prevents me from expressing my thoughts and ideas in words clearly and efficiently. I am currently making it a habit to speak proper whenever I am conversing with my group of friends whenever possible.
My
goal for the module is to enhance my verbal communication skills because, as
engineers, more often than not, we are required to work in a team and
therefore, it is extremely crucial to be able to communicate effectively with
one another to raise concerns, avoid conflicts and refrain from making
mistakes that might jeopardise the safety of others.
Another
goal I hope to achieve in this module is to be able to interact with others on
a professional level as in the workforce, I will be required to converse with
clients and external parties whereby my image and the way I present myself will
affect how they see me and the company as a whole.
I
look forward to learning more about Critical Thinking & Communication from
you in the upcoming classes. Thank you.
Best
regards,
Taufiq
Last Updated : 27/9/23
Read and commented on : Luqman, Weili, Khai
Great email overall in terms of content. Regarding the salutation in the opening of the email, perhaps you could use the family name or full name of the professor because it sounds informal as if you already knew each other from the get go.
ReplyDeleteGood organisation, starting each paragraph by getting straight to the point.
Thank you for your comment. I will make the necessary changes.
DeleteI agree with the salutation, better to use full name. Good introduction. Great content and language use! The use of PEEL and i can see that you linked the paragraph well.
ReplyDeleteGreat letter overall. Very concise and straightfoward. You gave enough supporting evidence for each point you made and sentence cohesion is present. In my opinion there are some parts you could rephrase such as "....ideas in words in a clear and efficient manner." to "....ideas into words clearly and efficiently." and "to communicate effectively with one another so as to raise concerns" to "....to communicate effectively with one another to raise concerns". But nonetheless still a very good self-introduction letter.
ReplyDeleteThank you Luqman for your comment. I will make the necessary changes.
DeleteHey Taufiq, I love the fact that you spoke about your childhood experience which adds a personal touch to your letter, making it more memorable for me. On the flipside, while you mentioned about your weakness, you can dwell deeper into it, perhaps sharing if you are improving on such weakness.
ReplyDeleteThank you Khai for your comment. I will make the necessary changes.
DeleteI can see a great use of PEEL in your letter to better illustrate your interest, current communicating skills and etc. Great work there!
ReplyDeleteOverall, I find that your letter writing is great and well organized but could be more professional if you address to whoever you are writing to by their family name or full name.
Thank you Sui Yuan for your comment. I will make the necessary changes.
DeleteThank you, Taufiq, for this clearly focused, highly informative letter. I appreciate the way that you have used your curiosity about airplanes as the basis for a discussion of your interest in engineering. You also tie your professional needs to your goals, which indeed is a good way to view the module. I'm glad you see communication as a necessary part of that equation.
ReplyDeleteHere is a minor issue or two with the use of caps:
-- a degree in Mechanical Engineering. > (Arre caps needed here?)
-- learning more about Critical Thinking & Communication from you... > ?
I look forward to learning more about you in the course of the term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hello Professor Blackstone. Thank you for your comment and pointing out the areas of improvement on my letter. I will be making the necessary amendments as soon as possible.
DeleteHello once again Professor Blackstone. I hope this comment finds you well. I have made the relevant adjustments as told. Thank you
Delete